I recently attended a funeral for my aunt. I have had mixed emotions regarding this ritual over the years. My first experience was when I was 11 years old, and my great-grandfather who was 93 years old had past away. I had to go to the wake, I was unsure and really not willing to go and view the body. Nobody had explained anything to me about death and the eternal life that is to follow. Needless to say, I ran out of there crying, over what, I'm sure I don't know. My next experience was when my aunt had past away in her 30’s due to alcohol related problems. My cousin who was the same age as me wanted me to go up with her to look at her mother in the casket. I’m sure I still didn’t understand the whole thing and it made me upset.
The most life changing funeral was for my mother, I was only 22 years old at the time and she was 52 years old. I thought to myself "I will never cry or be so upset and unsettled about anyone else passing, as I am about her passing away". And with that, I closed a little door to my heart regarding being able to feel any kind of emotion for anyone else who has passed over since.
My grandfather and grandmother lived a good full life well into their 80’s and how can you be sad about that, since it is a natural progression of life. Still I didn’t quite understand, why do you have to go to the wake and say your sorry to the immediate family left behind? Why at the funeral does the priest or pastor speak of this person to whom he may or may not know on a intimate basis. I remember the pastor’s reading at my grandfather’s funeral, it was so sullen and depressing about my grandfather passing and he was 87 years old! I thought to myself, shouldn’t we be happy he lived a good long life, and not bring us down with sorrow and gloom about a natural progression in life?
We go to the funeral parlor, for one last look, consoling, a reading from the bible, and then off to the church (if you are catholic) for a full ceremony, and lastly to the cemetery. As I got older I tried to understand why all this take’s place, and the meaning behind it all. I guess my mother’s untimely death due to cancer, and all the others that came after that made me ask why.
When my uncle died, and my cousins where crying so much at the funeral, I thought it was ironic, because all I remember was how he would go into drunken rages and how he was mean to my aunt and cousins. Being an empath, I of course felt their grief and sorrow, and it was awful. After that, I swore I would never go to another funeral again.
My mother-in-law passed away at 69 years old, also had a good life, but suffered towards the end with lung cancer. I was there when she passed away and was able to say a prayer to help her on her way. She wanted to be cremated and did not want a funeral. Her thinking was that if people had not kept in touch over the years, why now show up at your funeral after you're gone. I liked the way she thought about death and dying. Why have a funeral, why put yourself through such gut wrenching emotions over the course of 2 days while stranger’s hug you and say they are sorry for your loss.
I think some people go to funerals because they feel they have to, to do the right thing, or face being ostracized from family and friends for being disrespectful. Some go as a way of socializing and connecting again with long lost family and friends, while others are curious social butterflies. I do not subscribe to any of the above.
So here I am at another funeral, my aunt’s, not to been seen, or do the right thing, or socialize. I finally decided I would attend funeral's, because I could comfort the grieving by giving them a warm hug and sending them healing energy to ease their pain while in the midst of the living and the dead. So as I sat there in the funeral parlor I quietly sent healing white light to all the immediate family in attendance and that is why I will go.
Now I understand something nobody ever quite explained to me. Death can be a simple reminder just how short life is, and it may wake you up to the possibility of going forward with a little more loving, caring and most of all forgiving attitude. Treat everyday so that you will not regret or feel guilty about what has been said or not said, what is being done or not done. Live guilt free, live regret free.
I now understand that once you pass over you are only physically gone from touch but not from mind. And that you can converse with spirit. Life will be reborn into another physical form in another time and place. This is the knowledge that was missing in my confusion and misunderstanding. I think sometimes people are overwrought with grief, for they feel this is the final end and never will there be anymore. Or they may not have lived a life of acceptance, forgiveness, and one of no regrets. So in their grieving they are expressing all that they did not do or say to make peace with the one that has passed on.
Live life with no regrets, say you’re sorry, forgive, tell someone you love them, so you know when the time comes, you can have peace about their passing. Ask yourself if they died today, would I feel regret? Sorry? If the answer is yes, you need to write an email, send a letter, or pick up the phone and tell them what you’ve been wanting to tell them today all the things you’ve been meaning to say.
You can provide healing guidance to those who need your help in this emotionally trying time, by showing up and being there. You can say a prayer for the departed so they will make it safely over to the other side.
I use this for friends and family who are having a difficult time. It is called distant healing. I picture the person in my mind's eye or see them standing before me, and I call on God to send them God's beautiful healing white light. I picture the healing white light starting at their feet and swirling it around their body up and out the top of their head, I do this three times. I am often told they feel more relaxed and more peaceful and better able to handle what is currently going on in their lives at that moment.
Understand that spirit lives forever and is with you.
A Journal of Love And Healing: Transcending Grief by Sylvia Browne
If your dealing with grief this is a good book to read. As always Sylvia's humor livens up her books and all of her books are great! This one lets you know that what you are feeling is okay and don't judge yourself what you are feeling when you ride the dark horse of grief.
